I have a confession to make:
Sometimes I feel VERY jealous when I read or hear somebody’s “I PAID OFF ALL MY DEBT AND YOU CAN TOO” story.
I make comments like, “Way to go!” or “That is AWESOME!”. Deep down though, I’m a little resentful. I want it to be me. I can’t help it but I read their story and pick apart the ways it was so much easier for them and how it is so much harder for me.
“OOOH, I see they don’t have kids. No wonder they could put so much towards their debt. They don’t have 5 mouths to feed.”
“Yep. Just as I thought, they make double a year what we make. Of course they could pay off their debt so quickly.”
I wish the stories were inspirational but at times I am a little stuck in the “whining phase” as opposed to “accepting personal responsibility phase”. Most days I can visualize the finish line, when all the debt is paid off, those are the days I search out the “I Paid off my Debt” posts. But some days, it feels like it will never happen and that is when I whine. Or maybe it is better to say, “I get discouraged.”
I’ve never heard those who got themselves out debt say it was easy, but I can never get a good handle on how hard it was for them either.
Their story always ends the same. They write the “final post”. They are out of debt.
Where is the “Personal Finance” blogger who starts the journey, makes the commitment, posts everyday about how they are saving money on this or that, shows how their debt is going down with graphs and spreadsheets and fails in the end, never gets to write the final post? Does that happen? Will it happen to me?
(OK, now I got Stuart Smalley going in my head. “You’re good enough, you’re smart enough and gosh darn it, people like you.”)
So I get discouraged. This is not a good enough reason to quit. We push on. So right now we pay 24.5% interest on our credit card while others are making double mortgage payments.
They all started somewhere too…
I’ve stopped playing the world’s smallest violin for myself.
And when my time comes for “THE POST”, I’ll try to remember I was once like this.
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February 23, 2010 at 5:01 pm
Ah, yes. I know the “whining phase” intimately. But to answer your question, I bet a lot of those so-called success stories are just like that Biggest Loser guy who gained back all the weight he so successfully lost. I think the “Failed, but Trying Again” story is so much more interesting – it’s too bad more people aren’t strong enough to admit it (and let us learn from it!).
February 23, 2010 at 7:27 pm
AH! So true. How many people on that show have tried AND failed a million times on their own. I need Jillian to turn into a “get out debt guru” and come over and whip me into shape. Instead of “why are you overweight?”, she can shout, “WHY ARE IN DEBT?” and “WHY ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS?”
Maybe I have some deep dark reason why it’s so hard for me to do this:)
Or I’m just a complainer, who can’t figure out a funny way to wrap debt discussion up with dark humor or satire…LOL!
February 24, 2010 at 2:28 pm
Great post! Nobody fails in public, only in private. It is the human spirit that guides us this way. I address your exact same sentiment here
http://www.financialsamurai.com/2009/08/21/financial-genius/
It’s good to talk about losses, to balance out the wins.
February 24, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Everyone has set backs on the road to debt freedom. I’ve had my fair share of them. Here’s link to my biggest mistake. I wasted 10K while paying down debt. Big fail on my end.
http://mynextbuck.com/friday-financial-foul-ups-how-i-wasted-over-10k-and-11-months/
Ok, now for your wake-up call. If you missed this yesterday it’s got your name all over it.
http://www.fiscalfizzle.com/2010/02/second-job-pay-off-debt/
If you have anything that is really hard to figure out or you just need an honest opinion shoot me an email delverawaydebt at gmail. I’m sure I’ve made the same mistake already and I might be able to help. If there is one thing I know, its debt
I wish you the best, DON’T THROW IN THE TOWEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 24, 2010 at 4:39 pm
I think your post has given me something to write about! I’m on a “get out of the debt hole” journey and have written a little about the experience, but not a lot. It is hard. The hardest part for our family was that our income was smaller than what we needed just to pay the most basic of bills. It took work to end the credit card cycle.
You mention the tax refund debate- I’ve been mulling that idea over too. I have no idea what to claim in order to get almost everything in paycheck but still avoid owing anything at the end of the year. Trying to get some debt paid off, I’ve been thinking it might be better to have that money now. But how much money it would really be, I don’t know….
February 24, 2010 at 7:47 pm
Hi Morgan. I definitely do NOT want to owe either. This is what I did to forgo the BIG refund…
I averaged out our tax liability (Line 60 on the 1040 form )over the past 3 years and added a couple hundred dollars on top just to be safe.
This amount told me about how much we would owe in taxes next year.
I then divided that amount by 24 (the number of paychecks my husband gets a year).
THAT is how much should be taken out of each paycheck in Federal Tax for us to come pretty close to breaking even come tax time.
February 24, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Ah, the days of discouragement. I’ll bet you also have a lot of days when you think to yourself “wow, I’ve made a plan and I’m working the plan. I’m not out of debt yet, but I know the journey and I’m on the right road”.
Don’t beat yourself up that you haven’t arrived (yet), celebrate that you’ve found the way (I feel an ‘amen sister’ coming on).
You’re right though, other people do not have your particular situation, they have their own, so it’s not even fair to compare results, perhaps it’s only fair to share lessons, tips and lean on each other’s shoulder when the days of discouragement come.
You’re way smarter than the legions of folks who are in debt, and just put their bills in a pile or trash basket and hope it’ll go away.
Oh, and I doubt you’ll write that final post – I think you’ll be committed to using what you’ve learned to keep yourself inspired and to inspire others! Just like another drew the parallel to weight loss – it’s the keeping it off that’s the REAL work!
February 24, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Thank you all for the kind words! Reading back over this post, what a whiner I am! And you all are so freaking supportive to boot.
I do have to say though, “Personal Feelings” are tough in the “Personal Finance” world…
At times I only want use this blog as small window into my real life, only writing about times we are “saving money” or as a “spreadsheet view” into our journey to “get out of debt”.
Other times I want it reflect “the real me” more closely and my fears, my doubts, my internal struggles with this self-created disaster. An “emotional view” if you will, into our bumpy debt-busting adventure.
So will win out – The Cheerleader or the Drama Queen????
(Crap – Is it a bad sign that I never wanted to be cheerleader?)
February 24, 2010 at 7:21 pm
Great article sahmcfo!
Don’t get discouraged. By actively engaging yourself and your family in the process of debt reduction, you WILL be able to write that post one day.
Hopefully you’ll still be writing whenever that time comes, and it would be interesting to look back at this post.
If you’re ever looking to expedite the process, you could always sell your kids
wasn’t that the premise of hansel & gretel?
February 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm
You got a number in mind:) Fire-sale on a three year old having a MAJOR MELTDOWN as I type this.
February 24, 2010 at 10:47 pm
HA! No thanks, I only look for used children at flea markets
A little concerned over the 24.5%…Not sure what the exact situation is, but do know you should be paying less. Without getting into all the details, have you tried negotiating with your card holder for a lower rate? How diligently are you paying off the balance? I’ve picked up bits & pieces from your other articles.
February 25, 2010 at 12:46 am
24.5% is on a Macy’s store card, they raised the rate on my existing balance ($1050), just because they could I guess. No late-pays or over limit issues. They told me they raised everybody’s rates and there was nothing they could do. I’m doing the debt snowball method according to my interest rates, so this is first in line to be paid off (I’m able to put an extra $90 to it a month so far).
Suffice to say – I’ll never open a store credit card again.
February 25, 2010 at 11:26 am
They probably raised your rates ahead of the anticipated card law.
I’m going to send you an email from my personal account…we’re going to have you fight the system.
February 25, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Hi, ironically, I just paid all of my debt off (don’t hate me)…
But, I don’t make over $100,000 like some of the other pf bloggers!
The way to do it, when not earning a lot of money is to try to create as big as a differential between your take home pay and expenses as possible. I know that seems obvious, and what I mean by it is try to come up with money hacks to help you overcome your financial challenges.
I had to make do with what I had, and work a bit to make my things last long than most. You’d laugh if you saw my lawnmower, and my washer and dyer looks like they could have been the same ones on the Flintstones cartoon.
You are in the right place to learn to get ahead! Check out the other blogger’s archives, I’m sure there are plenty of gems sitting waiting for you to discover them.
I’ll keep you in mind and try to post about a few tricks I’ve discovered along my way in future postings…
We’ll be rooting for you!
Good luck and great post!
March 2, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Thanks Money Reasons – You are so right about the appliances. We are crossing our fingers and hoping they hold out until we can save up for new ones AFTER the debt is paid off. Our dishwasher has the old-type buttons like an 8-track player. It still runs ok though. And my husband paid off car has a cassette player NOT even a CD player
February 26, 2010 at 10:48 am
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February 28, 2010 at 6:11 am
[...] Where is the Personal Finance Blogger who FAILS? [...]
February 28, 2010 at 9:20 am
Just found your blog…thanks Jeff @ DeliverAwayDebt.
While I am not “failing” per se, I am not NEARLY at the warp speed others seem to be at. Hubby works 2 jobs, plus my job. Two kids, one with intense special needs. Living in a high cost of living area….
I do believe that ONE day, I will get to that final post, but not in the time frame that others seem to get there.
Oh, and our credit cards…19.24%, 14.24%, 11.99%…..our finance charges are INSANE.
February 28, 2010 at 11:33 am
Thank you for wording it just how I would!
When we first sat down to do a budget, and wrote down exactly what we needed to spend just to make it- we ended up with $100 extra dollars a month to pay down debt! Wow- a whole $100 dollars. That is if everything goes right and we dont have lots of extra craziness. Then I got a raise and a bonus- so now we can pay down more. But before then, we were screwed! Thanks for whining- it helped me feel better
March 2, 2010 at 1:38 pm
That’s where I am right now. I know it will get better, but it’s a sloooow process.
February 28, 2010 at 11:44 am
I know exactly how you feel – I can’t remember seeing one single “I paid off all my debt” post from someone who was married with kids. I’m a single dad with three kids at home and one in college, and my retirement fund has taken a back seat to day care expenses, school clothes, violin rentals, etc. Hang in there and know you’re not alone
March 2, 2010 at 1:41 pm
Wow David – That is pretty inspiring, you have a lot of obstacles and are hanging in there. Thanks for commiserating.
February 28, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Thank you. Thank you for being real. I think it goes a long way in blogs. You’re helping people by letting them know that it’s okay to whine and feel bad for yourself once in a while. It’s human. Let it pass and push forward. You’ll get there.
March 2, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I hesitate sometimes, mixing my personal feelings in here, but I want to remember how I felt when it is all over and we are free from debt. SO hopefully we never go back!
February 28, 2010 at 8:08 pm
I think it is normal human nature to feel jealousy. I feel it literally every time a blogger discusses how much their blog pulls in.
I try to use it to motivate me, but it only lasts for a few days and then I get angry again LOL.
March 2, 2010 at 1:46 pm
Since we’re all being honest here…ME too Evan!
March 1, 2010 at 8:52 am
Maybe the fear of public embarrassment is part of the reason they’re motivated to pay off their debt since they’re held accountable by other bloggers. I’m not above it to say that I started blogging for a little more accountability for my finances and for the reinforcement of the community. If you have the persistence, which is a lot easier here talking about it everyday, you’ll get there. I’ll give you a big online high five!
March 2, 2010 at 1:48 pm
I think that is a HUGE factor on why I made it this far Ryan. Now that I know I’m being “watched” so to speak – I’m a little more careful and much more committed.
March 4, 2010 at 6:22 pm
It’s healthy to express your frustrations and I think it’s totally normal to feel this way from time to time.
Consider viewing it as a setback; you’ll get there. In the time being, maybe there’s other credit cards with lower interest rates to which you can swap the credit to? I know that some of Bank of America cards offer low interest rates for balance transfers. Maybe this is an option?
Best of luck.
The Rat
March 4, 2010 at 6:29 pm
Thanks Rat. Is it possible to balance transfer charge cards (store cards w/o a Visa or MC logo)? I’ll have to look into it – I’ve always assumed no.
March 10, 2010 at 11:29 am
It might be a case of people only writing about something going well.
Similar with investing conversations at the office or a party. Everyone brags about their successes, you won’t often hear anyone talking about their terrible penny stock pick.
March 12, 2010 at 3:00 pm
We’ve had a very slow time of getting out of debt… when I started the blog we were around $10K in debt, but as time went by we’ve gone more and more into debt. One big thing after another happened, like we had to pay off the child support that my husband owed me and the state (we were divorced but are now remarried) and we had to hire a lawyer at one point, and then my husband started his own business… so now our debt is around $23K. So come on over and read how we’ve failed miserably, lol. We are still struggling, thankfully now we haven’t had to go deeper into debt for the last few months. All our old cars have had mercy on us. You’ll get there! I did get out of debt once and it was a great feeling. You will do it too!
March 12, 2010 at 3:24 pm
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March 13, 2010 at 12:58 am
Hoo, boy, but I feel ya!
I’m on disability and can only work a few hours a week. My husband has been unemployed for ages now and is really only finally in good enough shape to go back to work. Now he just has to find a job.
We’re living in a cheaper place, now, but back when we were living in Seattle it was tough to read about all these two-income families who paid off their debt so quickly. Meanwhile, we were living on about $3100 a month, with $700 going to rent and $502 just to keep my husband insured. Doctors visits and such ran us another $200-300 a month! It was just so easy to get sick of all the success stories. I mean, you’re happy for them but…
Eventually, after soaking in self-pity until my fingers were all prune-like, I’d realize I had some big advantages, too. My mom let us use her car, so we essentially had free transportation, never paying for gas or insurance or repairs. She was constantly buying stuff up on sale for us.
It would finally jolt me into remembering that everyone has a slightly different situation. Still, those of us who *can’t* get a second job (and, frankly, would be thrilled to be in a situation where we could work a whole first job) get a little sick of some of the stand-by advice that’s doled out, I think.
I imagine having three “Irish triplets” as you say is pretty much akin to chronic fatigue. You’re exhausted all the time, you can’t run many errands — and never at the drop of a hat — and when all is said and done, you’re never quite sure where the day went but somehow you wore yourself out. Yet the Type-A personality part of you is still insisting you should be able to do more.
Except I don’t have to do as much laundry, nor do I have to find the money for constantly growing kids. On the other hand, you can decide to work once they’re in school. So I guess we tie?
This is an interesting blog, and I’m glad I found it.
March 13, 2010 at 12:59 am
Er, that’s “money for clothes for constantly growing kids.” My brain doesn’t always work at the same speed as my typing.
March 13, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I can totally empathize. It took me seven years to get where I am now and I still watch out for slippage every day. While I don’t have kids, I have dependents who are capable of going out and spending my money [they try not to, but they still do it] and running up other bills I don’t know about ’til I accidentally open a random CC bill that’s not mine to find cash advances and debt run back up again. /rant.
My point is that maybe not everyone shares their frustrations freely because it’s not the focus of their blogs, but a lot of us do, I sure did when my family pushed me over the edge!
I just took what good information I could find to use from the making big bucks blogs, and read other blogs for the emotional balm. Different blogs for different needs!
You’re on a journey to make a big difference, not a small one, so it’s going to take more time and more attention to keep on track. And the road will be washed out at times, just know that, but there will always be helping voices to cheer you on past those obstacles.
March 15, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Fresh out of college, I had 5,000 in credit card debt at 17%. That seems like no biggie now, but at the time, I had a teeni, tiny income. I still remember the first time I calculated how long it would take me to pay it off with the minimum payments. I cried!
I made a lot of sacrifices to pay the debt down–living with my parents, working long hours in the hot sun, sleeping on the floor when I moved out. And you’re right, not as many sacrifices are available when you have kids.
That said, I’m way too big of a chicken to document something like that on my blog! I write about it now because I’m done with it! So of course, I feel good about it–and of course I tend to skim over how much it sucked paying down debt.
But I’ll never forget, which is why I’ll never stop blogging about it now . . .